SUSANNE* is an ice addict in recovery. While in the grip of the deadly drug, it became an obsession that almost killed her.
She penned this poem, giving her insight into what it is to be held hostage by addiction.
A JOURNEY THROUGH HELL
I'M feeling very weak,
When I need to be strong.
This is a lot harder than I anticipated on.
I've watched others fight the exact same war.
I've seen as they've struggled
And I have never ignored.
I've commended their strength;
And acknowledged their efforts;
And even felt proud to see them succeed,
All the time thinking "imagine how hard that would be".
Whilst witnessing this,
I never once thought,
That it was they I were following,
But hadn't yet caught.
And now that I'm there,
It's easy to see how foolish I've been,
To think that that could not happen to me and if it did I would concur it with ease.
Though what was illusive to me at the time,
Is that no one is destined or more that way inclined,
It could happen to anyone who became a bit blind.
For the path that lays ahead can not be foreseen.
There is no imagining the battle at the end of this journey.
It is not until you get there,
That you uncover it's furry.
Once you get to that point,
There's no rewind or fast forward,
Reality takes hold but she's not as you remember,
She's a cold bitch now, with a really bad temper.
She sucks the life out of everything,
Until nothing feels good.
There's only one way back from this nightmarish hell.
It's a war against will,
With your mind at it's shakiest.
Holding on to images of when reality was manageable;
And the knowledge that it can be done.
That's about all you get,
The rest lays in your mind,
If you can find it ...
*Her name has been changed
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