Jenn and her husband met at a singles night. Picture: Jenn Maronek
Jenn and her husband met at a singles night. Picture: Jenn Maronek

He told me, ‘You’re not going to like it’

The feeling that she would be alone forever only increased the closer Jenn came to her 30th birthday.

The US woman had a successful career as a nurse and owned a house. She didn't understand why her love life hadn't also fallen into place.

"'He's not here yet, so I must be doing something wrong,' I thought to myself," Jenn first wrote on Love What Matters.

"I was deathly scared that I would be alone forever and never get married.

"Confusion and stomach aches were a normal part of my life. I lived with them daily as I tried to mentally figure out what I was doing, where I was going, and how I could do any of it better."

As she neared 30, Jenn decided she didn't want to end up alone. Picture: Jenn Maronek
As she neared 30, Jenn decided she didn't want to end up alone. Picture: Jenn Maronek

'I WAS ABSOLUTELY ATTRACTED TO THE BAD BOY IN HIM'

Determined to meet "the one" Jenn started attending a regular singles nights which is where she met the man who would become her husband.

"I discovered things that absolutely attracted me to the bad boy in him," she said.

"I found out he was six years younger than me, a golf pro, and a wannabe comedian who would say the most inappropriate and random things.

"He was tall and handsome with an infectious laugh, and blue eyes that penetrated into the depths of all sorts of places.

"I didn't care he had never lived alone or took care of himself.

"I was finally happy and he slid into the missing puzzle piece of my life.

"We were married a year later."

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Jenn and her husband met at a singles night. Picture: Jenn Maronek
Jenn and her husband met at a singles night. Picture: Jenn Maronek

'WE WILL SEE WHO WILL WIN THIS'

But just three months on from the big day, cracks started to show in Jenn's fairy tale marriage.

Her husband decided to pursue a career in film making - leaving Jenn to become the sole breadwinner and caretaker of the house.

"I did all the laundry, the dog walking, poo scooping, cleaning," she said.

"I made the bed, folded the laundry, got the mail, and paid the bills.

"I finally put my foot down and told him I was going to stop doing his laundry.

"He replied, 'We will see who will win this. I have enough underwear to last me a month. I think you'll break before I will'."

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Jenn and her husband married a year after meeting. Picture: Jenn Maronek
Jenn and her husband married a year after meeting. Picture: Jenn Maronek

'HE WAS TOO BUSY TEXTING HER TO TALK TO ME'

By six months in, Jenn and her husband were in marriage counselling, trying to see if they could make this work.

Then her husband went to work on a "film project" which he had forgotten to mention to Jenn.

"He spent two weeks by himself, in a 'cabin in the woods' where he didn't have phone reception," Jenn said.

"He would contact me once a week for a few minutes when he had reception.

"Although, receipts for bars and a motel showed up on my credit card statement.

"When I picked him up from the airport, he was too busy texting her to talk to me."

Jenn thought she was marrying the love of her life. Picture: Jenn Maronek
Jenn thought she was marrying the love of her life. Picture: Jenn Maronek

'YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE IT'

Jenn knew exactly what was going on, so the second they got home from the airport she demanded to see his phone.

"He told me, 'You're not going to like it'," she said.

"Shaking and my heart pounding, I grabbed the phone out of his hands.

"I scrolled through the comments of 'I miss you. What are you wearing? What are you doing? Are you still thinking of me? When do I get to see you again?'

"And that's how the universe brought me to my knees, or rather it was my husband, who drop kicked me to the floor of our apartment."

'I called my dad to tell him, I was done and he gave me a one-word response — finally.' Picture: Jenn Maronek
'I called my dad to tell him, I was done and he gave me a one-word response — finally.' Picture: Jenn Maronek

'I STOPPED FIGHTING AND LET GO'

Even now, Jenn struggles to piece together just how their argument escalated that quickly.

"I remember lying on my back with my husband's hand on my throat," she said.

"Instead of praying to the stars, I was praying to the constellation of soy sauce spatters on the ceiling.

"In an instant and with a clutch of fear, I stopped fighting as I heard myself say, 'Let go.' And so did my husband.

"I woke up the next morning feeling out of my body and emotionally numb.

"Looking in the mirror, I could see multiple oblong purplish bruises on my throat in the outline of my husband's fingers.

"I called my dad to tell him, 'I'm done'. His one-word response? 'Finally'."

'For those who are curious, I am now 42 and have not found my partner in life'. Source: Jenn Maronek
'For those who are curious, I am now 42 and have not found my partner in life'. Source: Jenn Maronek

'DOING THE DEEP INNER WORK TO HEAL IS NOT FOR THE WEAK'

It's now been nine years since the divorce and Jenn has been forced to rebuild her life from the ground up.

"Doing the deep inner work to heal is not for the weak," she said.

"Some days brought sadness so deep, I wasn't sure I wanted to wake up the next morning.

"But I have become a person who takes herself out on dates. I buy myself flowers. I toast Champagne.

"I travel the world independently and I am no longer a prisoner to fear of being alone.

"For those who are curious, I am now 42 and have not found my partner in life, but I stay open and in love with me."

 

Follow Jenn's journey on Instagram and her blog.

 

If you or someone you know is experiencing violence at home, help is available. Contact 1800 RESPECT, White Ribbon or alternatively, click here to see a variety of support services available by state. If you believe you are in immediate danger, please contact police on 000.

 

This article originally appeared on Kidspot and was reproduced with permission


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